13 reasons why

13 reasons why.
13 reasons why

13 reasons why…she died

And the first thing to be heard is an excuse.

An excuse to the abuse,

The pain and nothingness,

Enough to cut loose….

So that no one could hurt her again.

Because nothing else on top of everything else could possibly live up to the strain.

The loss…

Of her being.

Her wholeness her soul and,

The very thing that made her complete,

Was stolen.

No one could save her…it’s so easy to say.

But what is your natural response to someone who dies that way?

Titles and assumptions that help you forget.

Clouds and darkness that always left her wet,

Yet….what could have saved her.

If not me or you.

Why did it take tapes for us to see her truth.

Ileea parker

Muse

Am i the joke?
Sometimes I think so,

When life gets the best of me,

And I feel like I’m being dragged into the deep,

And i have no one…nothing.
Is god playing a cruel joke on me?

I wear this cross,

But maybe its wearing me.

All of my mistakes not letting go of me,

Weighing down my shoulders for what feels like eternity.

I’m so sick of being me,

Someone once told me,

God made no mistakes when he made me,

But I find that hard to believe.

I no longer achieve,

I grieve,

For the pieces of my heart that I no longer have,

The people they now belong to they never cared.

Burning inside of my chest of loneliness… Mistrust….abuse.

Oh how they love to use me as their muse.

I lose.

A joke in my own right,

No one to keep me company but my sorrows that keeps me up at night,

I might find rest for a minute or two.

Until my nightmares those demons find me in my mind,

My dreams too.

Don’t know what to do

I’m so done.

I’m through..

Am I getting through?

To you?

To anyone?

Am I getting through?
Am I a target?

Your favorite muse to throw darts at?

I’m so tired of feeling this way,

I’m so sick of no one having anything to say,

Tired of this ring around the rosie,

Tired of this nigga that supposedly loves me.

I got people who love me?

Where they at cause all I see is backstabbers and phonies.

You my homie?

Since when?

Naw I had no one

From way back when.

I always had myself.

Dreams up in smoke,

Brick wall everywhere I turn,

All I see is fog and snakes slithering like worms.

My truth is all I have 

Without it I’m nothin,

But the way things are going,

Its like my lips are tapes shut,

I minis well be saying nothing.

Into her eyes

I look into the eyes of a warrior,

Her pain so evident,

Mind so beautiful,

The way she speakes….articulate.

Cat eyes, whom belong to an egyptian,

Teeth white as pearls but also crooked,

Lips plump and rosey,

Whiney and sweet as honey.

Skin rich as milk chocolate,

And as smooth as satin.

To be continued…

NO

No I say to myself probably a dozen times a day,

No to the things that are bad for me,

No to those people who are not good for me.

No to bad and good…..to everything….

Growing,

Thats where I wanna be,

In a state of consistant growth.

Always growing.

But instead it feels like I’m always running,

Running from someone or something.

In fact, I have gotten so use to saying no….

That maybe I have forgotten how to say yes…
No to the one I feel the need to always run back to,

Its time that I look past “you”

No to the things that bring me pain and sorrow.

How do I say yes. And follow through?

When should I say yes?

After all the pain and suffering,

How do I know my next yes will not lead to distress?

When will I get rest?

After I’ve had enough of doing my best.

Destiny

​Maybe Destiny has re written itself In my favor, 

My hearts desire,

Can be considered maybe even acquired.
With the love I feel for you,

Growing every time we speak,

Making promises to one another we hope deep down we can keep.
I can’t take all the credit of being swept off my feet,

But all credit goes to you for speeding up my heart beat. 
I see you everywhere,

In my bed,

 in the street.

Shopping in the store,

I swore I saw you buying groceries.
My heart cant take you being so far away from me,

I cant hold you and look into your eyes……

You can’t make love to me.
I crave you,

your scent in my sheets,

Kissing me tenderly,

Your love melting into me.

Hands sliding down my body,

Ever so gently.
Your love is more then physical,

You nourish my soul, my mind internally.

You care for me in every way,

You came into my life just in time.

So if Destiny has indeed been rewritten,

I pray our fate intertwines.

You complete me completely 

​Usually nothing can touch me,

But you caught me.

Outta thin air,

I was soaring I swear,

And then you came out of no where.

Telling me to release the burdens tied to my back if i dared.
I must say you have my attention,

You’ve kept it for sometime,

And my beauty you never fail to mention.
You make me feel alive,

So much that I could let it all go and dive,

No more tears drowning my eyes,

I know you’d catch me,

You’d never let anything happen to me.
Your all I see,

Your eyes locked on me,

How can this be,

Right on time you’ve come for me,

When I felt my lowest lonely.

You’ve come to show me you complete me completly.

Ill Vices

Times like these where I feel so alone,

On my own,

And left to do as I please.

Loneliness filling every crack within,

Until I’m left on my knees.

Love was your label,

But is love, your once gentle fingers wrapped around my neck tightly?

What is your love stemming from if it is used to hurt, and turned into ill vices,

My advice is to stay away,

Take “your” love else where,

It can no longer stay.

Evil demon lying near once so dear to me,

Wolf in sheep’s clothing,

Once blind now eye to eye I see.

Cleary the pain of loneliness  rains on me heavily,

I shall stand the emptiness until my god overflowingly fills me.

Ill vices cut like knives an I’m leaving you where you lie.

Ill vices multiplied a million to one. 

And soon youll be done,

Left no more to hurt anyone.